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  • Conversations With The Inner Child6:03

Conversations With The Inner Child   Symphonic Band   Grade 4   5 minutes 35 seconds

My father passed away in March 2021. The very last music he heard was the Messiah University Wind Ensemble under my baton the Friday prior. As we spoke on the phone, he told me he was getting very tired and then he said "Jim, I am Proud of you. Your group sounds tremendous!" Then he hung up. A few days later he was gone. As the music teacher I am, I continued to rehearse the wind ensemble and teach conducting courses both in person and online. After the funeral I explained that during this tough time I needed to be with my people. Making music gives me peace. My father was a very kind man. In this work I set out to remember our time together both in music and out. You
could find us listening to new pieces for band and our love of big bands old and new blared through our stereo. He loved Spike Jones and the City Slickers to the point he would laugh so hard he would lose his breath. My own humor was formed early-on with Abbott and Costello and Spike Jones, vaudeville comedy that my father shared with me. Now my family hears quips about "fat hair", "Putting the cat out because it may have been on fire" and that some people are definitely are the "biggest stinker(s)I know." The opening flute and percussion notes travel back into my childhood memories of him. Instead, my present sense of loss remains in the not so distant past. With the goal of writing beautiful and not sad music, I searched deeper in my memory and found a fun melody floating in my meditative bliss. This melody captures his light heartedness and the many days we tossed a football, baseball, played endless games of basketball and all the times he encouraged
me to never give up any of my dreams as a trumpet player, composer, and conductor. This memory and melody, unfortunately fleeting, returns to my sense of loss and sadness. As I composed this piece, I found myself working through my grief. The music in my mind evolved, giving way to something positive and grand. "Jim, I am proud of you!" He told me that Sunday afternoon. This music says, "Dad, thank you! Thank you for everything you are and have always been!"


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